Coming Down

I can not believe how horrible I feel! I know that I've been doing this a long time, and my body is screaming at me...my head aches, I feel lethargic, my body feels ill...I am coming off the sugar high from Halloween. Why do I do this to myself?
My daughter and I have been holding up the mirrors for one another the last couple of days. She is irritating me. Nothing she does is right. She isn't taking care of herself or her responsibilities. She just wants to laze about daydreaming or reading! It also happens that this is exactly what I am doing. I am looking at this. Painful though it may be to see myself this way, I am going deeper down into this. I am not going to make judgements about it, because then I feel the need to connect positive or negative emotions to the behavior and they are already rampant here. I am just noticing and watching and waiting to see... what happens next?
Loving me now is important. Something happens when I hear myself crying out, see my behavior deteriorate to disrespect for myself or others... I am jolted, moved deeply by a wave of compassion, a quaking of love that penetrates these deep wounds and that part of me that is surfacing and calling out to the world, "Heal me." If I don't do it, who will?
I've been looking at the world around me and my heart has been aching as the Earth cries out to us, "HEAL ME! LOVE ME!" and these are cries of desperation that I hear. How can I heal her, if I don't even know how to heal myself? I keep wondering what I need to do differently? I am sure that healing myself and healing the Earth are connected. I am journeying, plunging down deeper into myself to ask the questions that must be asked, knowing that the answers will seep into my soul. I don't yet know what the change will look like, but it's coming.

Realizing Peace Now

In this moment I am finding myself. I am deeply listening to everything starting from the heart beating within my chest, the breath coming and going, the tension in my neck as I breath in and the relaxation settling as I breath out, the thrum of the computer, my husband putting the baby to bed and the baby singing to his daddy, the children out late for a Halloween haunt, a car rushing by on the road, the wind blowing through the trees, the dogs barking at something running through the woods and I am sitting here typing listening to it all. I am calm and glad to have a moment to enjoy my life and honor the spirit of being here, being born, the energy that has been passed down to me from my ancestors, transformed by each in thier own way and given to me to be molded in my own fashion to act and transform and call my life. I am grateful to be here and I am grateful for what I have been given and what I have become. Love and Light to All.

Realizing Peace

I have been looking out at the world for some thirty something years now and I am confused by what I see. I am overwhelmed by what I hear. I smell fear, destruction, and greed. I taste pollution, chemical fumes, and toxic food. I feel disease, nervousness, and fear. All of my senses are screaming out and I know deeply that I am not alone.